Chapter 48: Reflection

Wading through the muddy ground as usual.

As she crossed the invisible boundary line, Xingyu felt the terminal in her coat pocket vibrate.

Without breaking her stride, she took the terminal out of her pocket.

The terminal screen lit up, but it displayed yesterday's messages.

The first thing that caught her eye was a brief message sent by Hill yesterday.

[Where are you? Are you okay?]

Immediately following that, a long string of messages and missed call logs from Flan quickly flooded in.

Having vanished inexplicably for the entire day yesterday, Flan had tried to contact her quite a bit.

However, Ring F was outside the signal range of the Agent's terminal; it was only now, upon entering the coverage area, that she received these messages.

Xingyu glanced over them briefly before shoving the unanswered expressions of concern back into her pocket.

She still had many things to consider.

...

When she pushed open the door of the Droplet Agency, it was already noon.

The front hall was completely empty, with no one in sight.

Xingyu continued forward and pushed open the door leading to the office cubicle.

The moment she shoved open the heavy door, cheerful chatter spilled out—a subtle sense of irritation welled up in the depths of Xingyu's heart.

Looking closely, she saw the members of the Droplet Agency gathered together, as it was currently lunchtime.

"Oh, Xingyu, you're here!" Hill was the first to notice her, then lowered her head to continue enjoying her lunch, "Why didn't you show up all day without even a heads-up?"

Flan chimed in immediately, his tone tinged with reprimand: "Your pay for yesterday's unexcused absence and the cost of the wasted lunch will be deducted from your wages next week."

"Something came up," Xingyu replied vaguely.

There was no portion of the noon meal for her.

Xingyu said nothing, simply walking over to take a seat at her desk. She had no intention of eating, merely watching the members of the Droplet Agency converse from afar.

Though she felt a vague sense of hunger, it was unnecessary.

Even so, Hill still seemed to notice something amiss with her. She put down her cutlery and frowned slightly: "Xingyu, what's wrong with you?"

Xingyu's gaze flickered, and finally, she spoke with hesitation: "Can you take me with you this afternoon?"

Before Hill could respond, Bianyin spoke up first: "Xingyu, Sister Hill's work isn't as easy as you think."

Even Flan, who was unrelated to the matter, frowned. Although he didn't voice his objection directly, he clearly thought Xingyu's request was rather inappropriate. Tianwu, meanwhile, chewed on her food while curiously watching the exchange.

Hill looked at Xingyu in perplexity, a troubled expression on her face.

This question genuinely seemed to have caused her a dilemma.

Xingyu did not back down, simply waiting for her answer.

Just as the atmosphere was about to grow even more awkward, Hill reached out to stop Flan, who was about to dissuade her, and spoke with a natural tone: "Fine then. You can tag along with me this afternoon."

"......Thank you." Xingyu turned her head away, no longer looking at the scene over there.

She could sense the complex atmosphere, but at this moment her inner self was exceptionally calm, as if all of this had nothing to do with her.

At the edge of her vision, she vaguely perceived whispered discussion over there. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Flan expressing his disapproval in a low voice, while Hill spoke in subdued tones to soothe him.

"......She's just a kid..."

There was one thing she desperately wanted to ascertain...

Who on earth was currently living inside this body?

Was she the original Cang Xingyu? Or a transmigrator hailing from who-knows-where? Or perhaps some mysterious entity parasitic to this flesh? Or a hybrid of all the above?

Did her present consciousness belong to herself, or to her blood?

Amidst the experiences of last night, she had gone through several moments where she felt her sense of self being superseded.

Initially, influenced by 020's suggestion, she believed she was not the original owner of this body, but rather a transfer of 087's consciousness.

Moreover, she had rapidly conjured countless plausible possibilities for this identity of hers.

At that moment, she had clearly sensed some inhuman entity eroding and replacing her own consciousness.

Yet... at this very moment, with her mind cooled down once more, she began to ponder a new question.

Considering the abilities 020 had previously demonstrated—capable of instantly imbuing her with new memories and throwing her self-perception into chaos—was this newly formed logical chain necessarily reliable?

If she truly was just an ordinary girl who had initially been cautious and prone to mistakes, yet rapidly adapted to the rules of survival in this world, then all her processes of probing and learning seemed to make sense as well.

Perhaps she did not belong to any of the above at all.

It was possible this body had already accommodated multiple souls, and she was simply the one left behind in the end.

Every time she reinvented a seemingly viable identity and story for herself, her mode of thinking and physiological state seemed to exhibit entirely new conditions.

At the moment of making that critical choice, Xingyu had simply been unable to comprehend everything any longer and thus abandoned thought.

No weighing of pros and cons, no careful deliberation.

The sole thought was to survive as a human being.

Regardless of who or what she originally was, even if she were destined to perish, she was determined to wear a human skin to the very end.

All her memories were no longer reliable.

Who could guarantee that these memories had genuinely happened to her, rather than being her brain's self-completion for things that exceeded her comprehension?

She fell into an endless loop of thought, repeatedly speculating and analyzing these unprovable and unfalsifiable hypotheses.

Every possibility seemed to possess its own rationality, yet none could fully justify itself.

However, one thing seemed genuinely real.

Her emotions.

Even now, reviewing the experiences of the past few days, Xingyu felt a faint detachment between herself and the "Xingyu" within those events.

From a detached perspective, she was calmly dissecting the inner mind of the past Xingyu.

The original Xingyu had constantly suppressed her anxiety toward this world.

Though rationally she knew all too well that she could only rely on herself, deep down she still couldn't completely shake off her trust and reliance on others.

Thinking back now, it seemed rather laughable.

To her, Hill was the first person to display overt goodwill toward Xingyu.

Xingyu found herself unconsciously drawn to this goodwill; although her reason remained vigilant, her heart had already begun to yearn for it involuntarily. Interacting with her felt like walking on ice—both longing to draw close and terrified of falling.

In contrast, Qixue was like a cracked mirror, reflecting a distorted and shattered kind of goodwill.

Though her care was genuine, it concealed far more complex emotions beneath the surface. That state of hovering constantly on the verge of a breakdown, coupled with a desire for control carefully veiled beneath a calm exterior, reminded Xingyu of a drowning person desperately grasping at anything within reach.

This sense of neediness made Xingyu uncomfortable, as if bound by invisible ropes.

Consequently, she always intentionally or unintentionally avoided communication with Qixue, much like dodging an emotional volcano that could erupt at any moment.

Now, as she thought of these people, the once-complex emotions were like a receding tide on a beach, leaving behind only a calm surface.

She no longer needed to struggle between doubt and trust.

During interactions, she could still sense subtle emotional fluctuations akin to before, unable to tell whether they stemmed from her own sincere feelings or the residual thoughts of this body.

She had no idea what everything would turn into after tonight passed.

At least for this afternoon, she still wanted to venture out with Hill.

...What on earth she herself actually was, she would likely never figure out.

The only certainty was that at this very moment, the one who survived was solely her present self.

"Bye-bye." She cleanly severed all her tangled thoughts, greeting the past Xingyu in her heart.

"From now on, this body belongs to me."