32 Nourishment

Fang Qingzhou’s reaction was, for the most part, a disappointment to him. She seemed to accept everything, stubbornly immovable; no matter what cards he played, they stirred up nothing more than a negligible ripple.

Just as he tried to fathom Fang Qingzhou’s mindset, she was equally bewildered by his intentions. Contemplating such ephemeral things took her a moment, causing her to respond two beats slower than usual.

"You don't need to deliberately try to provoke me; I already know it was you."

Yan Jianyuan continued to scrutinize her expression, as if trying to scrape some decisive evidence from her face to support a theory of his own. Realizing it was futile, he asked with curiosity, "I thought you would be angrier."

"I just feel that bickering with you is meaningless. Beyond letting you admire my distress, it won't make you feel guilty or compassionate, nor can it change the established reality." Fang Qingzhou’s words carried a slight edge. "What kind of reaction were you expecting from me? Rage, hatred, hysteria? Or perhaps that I would splash hot water in your face and denounce your actions?"

"I'm not sure. I had no expectations." Yan Jianyuan’s gaze drifted upward, focusing on the ceiling corner of the room without any specific point of interest. "Everyone I meet is self-tormenting for the sake of desire. They crave money, power, beauty, praise, affection. When they don't get what they want, they resent; when they try to disguise it, they aren't subtle enough. The moment they open their mouths, they expose themselves, baring sharp fangs, and when they lose control, they lash out at those around them, delusional in their attempt to make others share their pain."

He rolled his eyes, his gaze landing on her with little force, as if looking at the moon from too great a distance.

"Only you don't. You accept the truth of everything, not obsessed with things that are beyond your reach or control. Faced with chaotic feedback from all directions, you always follow your own rules: keep the good, discard the bad, regardless of what value those things might have in the eyes of others."

"Sometimes, when I look at you, I feel a moment of peace, thinking that perhaps all obsessions aren't that important—that they should be abandoned, wiped clean with a single click. But sometimes I also wonder: for you, is there really nothing you find indispensable?"

Fang Qingzhou’s expression shifted slightly. The muscles in her cheeks twitched.

Yan Jianyuan said, "The year your studio was founded, you were invited back to campus to attend a symposium."

Fang Qingzhou had little impression of the myriad meetings she attended, as she spent most of her time distracted. But as soon as Yan Jianyuan mentioned it, she immediately understood what he was referring to.

Because too many students had questions, the symposium didn't show signs of ending even half an hour past the scheduled time. Her advisor, seeing her constantly checking her phone and sending messages, asked with amusement, "Who are you chatting with? Is there so much to say?"

He caught a glimpse of her screen and said sourly, "You’re even sending him stickers? Sometimes you only reply with a '1' to me."

Caught slacking, Fang Qingzhou didn't think it was her problem. She lifted her chin and hinted, "I'm in a relationship." *Please, end the meeting!*

Everyone present was astonished, and the room erupted in a buzz. They forgot the business at hand and began enthusiastically prying into her love life.

Yan Jianyuan said, "I couldn't believe it."

His first reaction at the time was that it was a lie, that Fang Qingzhou had been deceived.

"You said Zhou Suirong was a bright, healthy person. You felt very comfortable with him. I found an excuse to meet you both and inquired about him." Yan Jianyuan’s expression was indescribable. "My experience was so similar to his; I could see through his weaknesses at a glance. He was clearly as thin and hollow as I am. Your judgment of him was wrong. As it turned out, he was indeed easier to break than expected. He was just lucky; he stole precious peace from you."

"What did you do to him?"

Fang Qingzhou spoke, only then realizing her voice was dry and the muscles from her jaw to her neck were aching with tension.

Yan Jianyuan said calmly, "I didn't do anything. I just told him that your affection for him was based on rational judgment. He was good at taking care of your life, keenly aware of your needs, and could even tell jokes to make you happy, and you just happened not to be so annoyed by him, which is why you were with him."

"But is that love? No, right? You only care about your own rules and whether you can live comfortably. You liked the conditions he provided. If one day those were gone, you wouldn't need them. If one day he brought more trouble than convenience, you might not even bother explaining before discarding him and leaving. You treat your parents that way; could he be any more special?"

Yan Jianyuan’s lips twitched, his expression vanishing as quickly as it appeared; it was impossible to tell if he was smiling or mocking. "Even your relationship was fake from the start."

Fang Qingzhou froze for a moment, then suddenly realized the source of their baseless breakup.

Fang Qingzhou was rarely angry, but her voice grew louder. "Nonsense. By what right did you tell him that?"

The beginning of their relationship was indeed due to a small misunderstanding, one Fang Qingzhou had decided to keep secret forever.

Over two months ago, Zhou Suirong had come to her without warning to verify it. Considering their stable relationship, she had thought it an insignificant detail and, in a moment of carelessness, told him.

That year, it was late spring and early summer. Zhou Suirong had organized a graduation trip with a dozen classmates. Zhou Suirong had come to her, saying that all his classmates were bringing partners, leaving him alone. He repeatedly murmured things like "I don't want to go alone," "It feels tiring to only text and not meet," "I don't know when I'll get to travel with friends again," or "I want to find someone to take this kind of photo at the summit."

Fang Qingzhou wasn't so emotionally dense that she couldn't handle his persistence, so she reluctantly agreed to accompany him.

As it turned out, once the trip started, it could only be described as chaotic.

The guesthouse they stayed at on the first night was halfway up a mountain. The weather forecast for the next day predicted heavy rain. Upon checking in, the owner warned them that a section of the road to the city was low-lying; if they didn't leave before the rain, the road might flood, and they would have to wait for the water to recede to pass.

Some tourists had been stranded before. And the guesthouse had no rooms left.

So, everyone packed up early, piled their things in the lobby, and rushed out to take a few sunrise photos before heading to the next location. Unexpectedly, the classmate in charge of guarding the luggage chatted with other tourists and stepped away. When the group gathered, they realized their belongings were gone. Several bags and smaller suitcases had vanished, containing documents and laptops full of data.

The thief had likely fled, and the group panicked. The owner helped them call the police, but the issue wasn't resolved, and the rain began to fall early.

After an emergency discussion, it was decided that Zhou Suirong and another boy would go to the police station to check surveillance footage, while Fang Qingzhou, as the most senior student, would lead the others to the hotel.

While confirming the address, Fang Qingzhou discovered a mistake in the booking. After checking with the manager, it was confirmed that they had accidentally booked the wrong date—a day late.

After negotiating, it was confirmed that enough rooms wouldn't be cleared until 8:00 PM. Fang Qingzhou had no choice but to search for a temporary place for them to rest.

The group set off, arguing the whole way, cursing the thief. Fortunately, they were optimistic; after a bumpy ride, they mostly forgot the trouble of the lost luggage, pouring into the spacious room to watch movies and play games.

Zhou Suirong wasn't there, and Fang Qingzhou didn't know anyone else, nor did she have any intention of fitting in.

It was her first time experiencing such a disaster of a trip. Once she relaxed, she felt physically and mentally exhausted. She told the others she needed to rest, found an empty room, curled up in the corner, and fell asleep.

When she woke, it was already night. The room was empty. Her phone was in her bag, which someone had taken along. She checked the clock on the living room wall: 9:21 PM. She realized she had been left behind.

Fang Qingzhou didn't want to rush to the hotel to meet them. She wandered aimlessly through the neighborhood, went out the back gate, and followed some night joggers to a scenic lake.

The place was quiet, peaceful, and open. She could hear the faint sound of water, wind, and insects. The scene, painted in the colors of the night, had a unique charm. The mountains, water, buildings, and pedestrians blended into an indescribable harmony that she liked far more than those crowded tourist spots and luxurious buildings.

Fang Qingzhou sat by the lake for a while. Before she decided to get up and go to the hotel, she heard Zhou Suirong calling her name.

She turned to see him standing behind her, gasping for air, his heavy breathing even trembling, yet his voice was unusually soft, careful not to disturb the serenity of the night. "They thought you had gone to the hotel to rest earlier. I didn't know you weren't there until I got back from the police station."

Fang Qingzhou said "Oh" dismissively and explained, "I fell asleep with my headphones on and didn't hear them leave."

Zhou Suirong stood up straight and leaned in to look at her expression. Perhaps his vision was blurred from the exertion, but he leaned in so close he was almost touching her face. "Where did you sleep? They said they checked and didn't see you."

"Behind the curtains. I don't like people watching me sleep," Fang Qingzhou added to ensure he didn't think she was in a bad mood. "I checked the navigation; I know the way. I was just about to go."

Zhou Suirong reached out, stopped, then gently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, his eyes fixed on her face.

Fang Qingzhou saw through his hesitation and pressed his hand against her cheek, rubbing it.

The night wind was cool, with the power to soothe all restlessness, but Zhou Suirong was sweating from his run. He felt the heat in his palm might be too much for Fang Qingzhou’s skin, so he pulled his hand back, moved behind her, gently embraced her, and said, "I'm sorry."

Even though Fang Qingzhou wasn't angry.

They sat on a wooden bench by the lake. In the distance, the water shimmered with silver light, like precious gems. Zhou Suirong watched for a while and suddenly said, "Just like your eyes."

Perhaps it was because Fang Qingzhou wasn't her usual aloof self at night, giving him the courage to get closer, he added, "I want to go home with you."

It was a rambling, boundless thought. "Staying here is fine, too. Anywhere is fine." Then he called her name, "Fang Qingzhou, what about you?"

Fang Qingzhou didn't know what he was talking about, but she subtly understood his excitement.

It was too late. Zhou Suirong said, "Let's go back," and took her hand, leading her away.

Fang Qingzhou walked slowly. Halfway there, she laughed and said, "I like this place."

Zhou Suirong, preoccupied, misunderstood her. He was overflowing with emotion, and Fang Qingzhou could see the pure, beautiful love in his eyes.

The next second, he stopped, interlaced his fingers with hers, squeezed tightly, and whispered in her ear, "I love you too."

He didn't see her expression, only heard her whisper a soft "Ah," and he was so anxious he hugged her.

That was how they got together.

At night, the headlights of cars on the road shone in, casting their shadows, only for them to vanish back into the darkness.

It was much thicker than the night outside the window tonight.

That day, when Zhou Suirong asked, Fang Qingzhou recalled the whole event and jokingly said, "Little Zhou, it's actually because you like me that you think I like you."

Normally, Zhou Suirong would have pestered her to admit it: "Yes, I like you." But that day, his face turned pale, and he kept his head down.

Fang Qingzhou was at a loss and remained silent.

Soon after, Zhou Suirong said he had to leave. Fang Qingzhou clumsily made excuses to keep him, saying, "The fish tank water is murky. And I changed the water for the lucky bamboo in the study, but its leaves are turning yellow. If you aren't here, the plants and animals in this house are doomed."

Zhou Suirong said, "A nanny can do those things."

Fang Qingzhou hadn't expected such a reply and said unhappily, "I don't like nannies. They don't understand me. And after being together for a long time, they give me too much unnecessary concern and express opinions on my lifestyle."

Zhou Suirong asked, "Do I not care about you?"

Fang Qingzhou sensed his strange reaction and tried to say a lot to make up for her inability to express herself: "They think it's wrong that I don't like going out or making friends. They think my attitude toward my parents is abnormally cold and keep urging me to go back for the New Year's reunion dinner. I don't like it."

Zhou Suirong didn't speak.

Fang Qingzhou continued, "I don't not understand their thinking; after all, when I was young, my parents paid their salaries. They have to stand on the employer's side. It's just that I don't like it."

She emphasized repeatedly, "I don't like it." And added, "You wouldn't be like that."

Zhou Suirong’s expression told her that everything she said was wrong.

His hands were usually dry, but that day, they felt damp—damp in a way that reminded her of his eyes, which looked like they were about to cry. He pushed her away by the shoulders and said he had things to do.

To this, Fang Qingzhou said: "Alright."

She thought the point of his question was about the "nanny," but the logic wasn't in the premise. Her attempt to salvage the situation had backfired; she hadn't even scored the basic points for attitude.

***

Yan Jianyuan lifted his eyelids, his gaze sharpening. "For Fang Qingzhou, love is superfluous."

Fang Qingzhou looked at his handsome face and felt a sense of revulsion. "What business is that of yours?"

Yan Jianyuan said, "Even he thought so. He couldn't find solid proof that you loved him, and he couldn't accept such an ambiguous relationship, so he chose to break up with you."

"We didn't break up," Fang Qingzhou countered. "He didn't say he was breaking up at the time; he just said he had things to do. You are distorting his thoughts."

If Zhou Suirong had been in his right mind, he would have known that whether or not she confessed didn't matter. Fang Qingzhou agreeing to travel with him was already a miracle.

Fang Qingzhou lived indoors, as lazy as a hibernating snake. She rarely saw the sun, and walking more than eight hundred meters was a hike. She viewed exercise as a survival challenge. Traveling with a group was, for her, a death-defying feat.

Yan Jianyuan was noncommittal toward her stubborn defense. "If my distortion worked, doesn't that just prove he didn't believe you loved him?"

Fang Qingzhou’s lips twitched.

"At first, I just wanted him to break up with you, but he really..." Yan Jianyuan paused, his voice intriguing. "He really was too much like me. Even the mistakes he made later were exactly the same."

Fang Qingzhou said, "You don't understand him at all. That’s just your self-righteous projection."

"Then do you understand me?" Yan Jianyuan asked. "You don't even know who I am. How do you know what I'm referring to? Of course, if you ask, I can tell you in advance what he did later. Do you want to ask?"

The hesitation in Fang Qingzhou’s eyes faded, replaced by a calm, powerful certainty. "You are jealous of him."

Yan Jianyuan smiled calmly. "What do you mean?"

Fang Qingzhou said, "You use lies to stabilize your own turbulent life, obsessing over a reflection in the water, pursuing a fleeting, ordinary stability that is doomed to be out of reach. Zhou Suirong is clearly similar to you, so why can he easily live the life you dream of? You create conditions and look for answers in him to prove that you aren't the one who is wrong."

"Shen Zhiyang is the same. When you guided her to meet that lawyer and knew she had killed someone out of irrepressible hatred, was there a moment of relief in your heart? Thinking that the sick one in this world isn't you, but that most people are just luckier than you, and the lucky have no right to judge your mistakes?"

Fang Qingzhou’s gaze pinned him like a knife. "You use their collapse as nourishment to sustain your own life. So, who is next? Xu Youxiang? Or Wang Da? Or perhaps a new target?"

The private room was filled with the fragrance of tea, and the tea in front of them had already cooled. Yan Jianyuan sat motionless, as if turned to stone, falling into a long silence. His face held a deep hopelessness, like a plant drowned in lava, surrounded by ashes.

He closed his eyes, turned off the boiling water nearby, and said, "Our time is up."

"I look forward to your judgment of me. But not now. I hope we have another chance to meet." Yan Jianyuan stood up, straightened his shoulders, and walked out steadily.

"What should I call you? You've achieved the success that Liang Yizheng couldn't reach, yet you still haven't escaped this city?" Fang Qingzhou asked, sitting still. "Are you trying to take revenge on him?"

Yan Jianyuan stopped and looked back, his voice tinged with a hint of absurd laughter. "Revenge on him?"

***

"Liang Yizheng."

Wang Da glanced at the vibrating phone, took a deep breath, prepared himself, and answered. His unattractive features were bunched up in endurance, and he replied sullenly, "Brother Liang, I'm here. Come over."

He gave the specific address and hung up immediately, unable to bear another second. Wang Da tossed the phone aside like trash and continued the previous conversation. "You mean that kid didn't die back then, came back recently, and committed suicide outside Liang Yizheng's villa?"

Zhou Suirong didn't correct him, unable to understand how he had connected the dots.

Wang Da exclaimed, "Why? Revenge? Taking his own life for revenge? This guy is ruthless!"

Zhou Suirong shook his head and said enigmatically, "Rather than revenge, I think it's more like a plea. If pain can't be seen, it becomes even more painful."

Wang Da mocked him in a strange tone, "Pain? Guys who are completely ruined love to moan about nothing. Watched too many cartoons? Isn't it just useless, to put it bluntly?"

He sat lazily, facing the street, took a bitter gulp of alcohol, and melancholically thought that no one on the entire street could be more unlucky than himself.

While wallowing in self-pity, he suddenly saw a familiar figure. Thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him, he tugged on Zhou Suirong’s clothes and pointed. "Brother, isn't that your boss?"

Zhou Suirong followed his hand and saw Fang Qingzhou standing on the side of the road with a man. Two burly bodyguards stood a meter away. Even from a distance, she had a striking presence.

Wang Da hiccuped and probed, "Didn't you say she was hiding in the hotel, too scared to come out? Were you lying to me?"

Seeing Zhou Suirong’s gloomy profile, Wang Da thought to himself that the "soft rice" life wasn't easy either, with so many people trying to poach her. He changed his tone, "Look on the bright side."

Zhou Suirong: "..." Had he just been cheated on?