High School Awakening

Xiaoshou’s common sense told him that a toilet would not simply appear in the middle of an office for no reason.

Even if a toilet had indeed been installed there, it was impossible to flush solid waste down with urine.

Bai He pressed the flush button a few more times, and more urine gushed out from the bowl, washing the feces away.

As the flushing repeated, the water gradually cleared up.

"Oh~ It seems the anomaly grade is quite high after all, and it works on you too," Shangguan Yan stroked her chin and said thoughtfully.

Xiaoshou finally couldn't help asking, "Director, what on earth are you two doing? And what is the deal with this toilet?"

"This is a sealed artifact confiscated by Bai He. We haven't come up with a name for it yet, but its specific function has already been figured out.

To put it simply, the fecal liquid inside this toilet consists of the feces and urine that the person who flushes it is bound to excrete. If you need to use the restroom, you just press it like this, and without needing to squat, your excretion process is complete."

"What kind of filthy sealed artifact is this!" Xiaoshou complained aloud, yet his eyes couldn't help but peek into the toilet bowl.

"Filthy? Don't you think it's very convenient? This way, magical girls truly won't ever need to use the restroom," Bai He seriously retorted.

"Moreover, it's a blessing for hemorrhoid sufferers. Bowel movements can be quite a trip through hell for them," Shangguan Yan said with a straight face.

Bai He nodded approvingly. "And it's extremely friendly for couples who enjoy the back door. This way, it spares them the agony of colon cleansing. Hmm... perhaps it will also be widely popular among like-minded tops and bottoms."

"Although it's dirty, there is no foul odor. Does this mean this toilet simulates the space inside the intestines?" Shangguan Yan began a rigorous analysis.

Xiaoshou initially wanted to make a sarcastic remark, but his mind uncontrollably began to drift into some bizarre thoughts:

"Where do you suppose the waste that gets flushed down actually goes?

If it's sent directly to a different dimension, could we have 678 press this button?

That way, the anomalous crystals it excretes would be safely disposed of."

"A genius idea!" Bai He slammed a heavy hand onto Xiaoshou's shoulder, the gray pupils behind his mask filled with admiration. "You might just be cut out for the Research Department!"

Shangguan Yan nodded, acknowledging Xiaoshou's whimsical idea, but then shook her head and vetoed the proposal.

"The idea is good, but difficult to implement. 678 is not human and might not be recognized by the toilet as a user.

Besides, the crystals excreted by 678 are too large and rather hard, which might damage the toilet.

Additionally, 678's anomaly grade is very high, so it probably wouldn't take effect.

Therefore, as for practical applications, we should leave it to the Research Department. Shall we come up with a name instead? What do you think would be a good name for this toilet?"

Xiaoshou frowned and fell into deep thought. Although he didn't really want to participate in such a discussion, his mind had developed a perverted interest.

"Let's just call it the [Feces-Flushing Toilet]. It sounds very similar to a flush toilet," Xiaoshou said.

"A flush toilet... a feces-flushing toilet. How fitting," Bai He once again wore a look of admiration. "Xiaoshou, you truly are a naming genius. You can come up with such an exquisite name—simple and unpretentious yet carrying a touch of humor. It's way better than the name that idiot came up with."

"Since it's decided, let's call it the feces-flushing toilet. Bai He, take this to the Research Department. Once they're done studying it, have them send it to [The Artisan] to take a look. If he can manufacture them, maybe this toilet can be popularized throughout the Control Bureau," Shangguan Yan instructed.

"Do we really need to popularize this thing?"

In Xiaoshou's mind, a pleasant scene automatically played out: everyone waiting in line at a public restroom, taking turns pressing the flush button, and admiring the swirling currents of filth.

"Xiaoshou, have you used the restroom yet? Care to flush a few times and experience it? The feeling of relieving intestinal pressure without actually defecating is quite special," Bai He suddenly suggested.

"No thanks, I appreciate Brother Bai's concern, but I don't need it," Xiaoshou coldly refused.

Bai He sighed regretfully, closed the toilet lid, hoisted the toilet onto a small cart like a treasure basin, and pushed the cart out of the office.

The subtly awkward sealed artifact seminar finally came to an end. Xiaoshou let out a long sigh of relief and sat down at his workstation.

"Xiaoshou, you don't need to stay in the department this afternoon. Go with Bai He to attend Professor Zhang Feng's English class," Shangguan Yan suddenly said.

Xiaoshou knew what Shangguan Yan meant by having him learn English. He was going to Edinburgh to investigate the Blood Mother Cult, and if he knew a foreign language, communication would naturally be much easier. But starting to learn English now—wasn't it a bit too late?

Or rather...

"After taking that professor's class, will I instantly become fluent in English?" Xiaoshou asked.

"Yes, but it will only last for a month, and within that month, you can only learn one language from the professor," Shangguan Yan added.

How convenient. If he had such a teacher in his past life, he would never have had to worry about failing to enter a top-tier university.

"Since Brother Bai is taking the class with me, is he going on the business trip too?"

"Yes, to accompany you."

"There's no need, I can handle it alone," Xiaoshou politely declined.

On this matter, he felt that an investigation conducted solely by himself and Su Weiyu would be much safer.

Shangguan Yan replied expressionlessly, "I initially thought you could handle it alone, but due to some special reasons, it's better to have him accompany you.

Besides, haven't you noticed? In the Control Bureau, you're currently the center of attention. Many people are talking about you."

Xiaoshou nodded. "The nicknames they gave me are so embarrassing. Has the Control Bureau always had this kind of culture?"

"Sort of. Since you've noticed, I might as well tell you about the political environment of the Control Bureau early on, so you don't end up thinking you're working at some normal, welfare-guaranteed major corporation."

"Isn't that the case? I've always thought we were quite formal."

"Formal doesn't mean orderly. If you think colleagues won't harm each other, you're being too naive. The people working in the Control Bureau are supernatural beings after all. Why do you think so many supernatural beings willingly join the Bureau?

If it were for wealth and power, they could subtly plunder using their abilities and easily become masters of society.

Yet you've seen it—many supernatural beings would rather abide by the law and work at the Control Bureau than live as free agents. There is a reason for this."

Xiaoshou pondered briefly. "Because most supernatural beings are glass cannons?"

Unlike the cultivators in fantasy novels, the supernatural beings of this world had defense and attack powers that were completely disproportionate. Bomb-like offensive capabilities were everywhere, but the defensive power of these walking human bombs was often no different from that of ordinary people, making them easily killable by a sneak attack.

And to increase the margin for error under such circumstances, there weren't many methods.

One was to find like-minded companions with similar worldviews and complementary abilities to make up for weak defenses.

Another was to find powerful sealed artifacts that they could use to increase their margin for error.

The third was to ensure that someone could provide rapid healing and recovery when injured.

Achieving these three conditions alone was extremely difficult.

Over time, this destined the formation of organizations like the Control Bureau.

"Very smart! The Control Bureau can significantly increase personal survival rates. Of course, most importantly, the Control Bureau itself possesses immense deterrence. Ordinary supernatural beings will never make a move against Control Bureau employees.

Because a lone wolf can neither evade the Bureau's tracking nor escape its hunt.

It's just like the unspoken rules of secular society: the law dictates you cannot kill, but does that mean you literally cannot kill?

No, you can. You can rush into an enemy's house with a knife and easily slaughter them.

Yet you know you cannot escape the sanction of the law, which is why you restrain your hatred.

The Control Bureau plays a similar role."

"But I feel like a lot of people in the bureau look at me with displeasure. They won't do anything to me, right? We're all coworkers after all," Xiaoshou worriedly asked.

Shangguan Yan replied, "Hard to say. Situations where insiders are sent to their deaths during anomalous events happen frequently, and everyone tends to treat operatives from other departments as sacrificial offerings."

Xiaoshou nodded understandingly.

Right, in matters of life and death, who cares about organizational rules?

When someone really has to die, people would rather sacrifice anyone else than their own.

"Furthermore, the people working in the Control Bureau aren't just ordinary folks; there are actually many heinous criminals. Their minds work differently from normal people, and they could turn on you at any time. Therefore, you still need to exercise caution in your daily life."

"Criminals? Why are criminals allowed to work? Why aren't they locked up?" Xiaoshou asked with a puzzled expression.

Shangguan Yan smiled faintly and said matter-of-factly,

"Some supernatural beings are irreplaceable.

Let me give you an example: a supernatural being kills a thousand ordinary people, and the Control Bureau captures him.

Now, as the leader, you have to deal with him. How do you handle it?"

"Death penalty!"

"Very good. But an anomalous event has just temporarily broken out, projected to cause thirty thousand deaths, and the death row inmate you just captured happens to possess an ability perfectly suited to resolving this incident.

Yet when you ask for his assistance, he demands his release. What do you do?"

Xiaoshou thought about it carefully. Hearing this, he already understood how the deformed employee system of the Control Bureau came to be.

Supernatural beings were indeed different from ordinary people and possessed irreplaceability in certain aspects.

Among mortals, there are often many geniuses in a single field, but among supernatural beings, a truly special ability might only exist in one person.

"They absolutely cannot be released, but those thirty thousand people must be saved as well, so we have no choice but to negotiate," Xiaoshou calmly voiced his thoughts.

"Correct. Therefore, the final result of negotiations is usually recruiting the other party as a special employee, operating under strict surveillance."

"Must they be recruited as employees? Can't they just be locked up?" Xiaoshou countered.

"Actually, the Control Bureau implemented that exact idea at the very beginning, but the results weren't great.

Because similar situations will arise in the future, if you restrict them too severely and treat them too poorly, the willingness of future surrendering criminals to cooperate will drop significantly.

Therefore, to give criminals a reason to cooperate and to prevent certain criminals from throwing caution to the wind and launching indiscriminate slaughters at the last moment, the Control Bureau introduced a series of rules, offering different recruitment systems based on the severity of their crimes."

With that, Shangguan Yan gave her concluding summary: "Perhaps this method has serious moral loopholes, but after introducing this series of rules back then, the casualty rate of mortals plummeted, and the number of usable talents increased significantly.

Usually, you should be wary of employees wearing collars around their necks. Those with green collars are safe to interact with—they only committed crimes due to special circumstances. Yellow collars generally indicate malicious motives, and red ones are extremely vicious.

As for other colors... well, you generally won't get to see them."

"Oh, I understand. But what does this have to do with Senior Bai accompanying me on the investigation?"

"The criminal captured by Bai He three years ago was last tracked to Edinburgh.

That criminal's ability is extremely lethal to low-tier supernatural beings and possesses self-growth potential, making it quite tricky.

You might be targeted by him, so after thinking it over, I decided to have Bai He tag along with you. Additionally, I've assigned a squad from the General Investigation Department to act as your backup."

Xiaoshou's heart sank, wondering how so many people had suddenly been added to the mix.

On the bright side, however, he was going to fight a massive cult organization; doing it alone would undoubtedly be of extremely high difficulty. Having more people would certainly make the initial groundwork much easier than working alone.

"But why is the Director so certain that I will be targeted by that criminal?"

"Because your scent is the kind that demons love."

The office door opened, and Bai He, having finished delivering the toilet, poked his head in from outside. "Time's almost up. Let's head over; the professor should be starting class soon."

And right on cue, Xiaoshou saw Su Weiyu holding takeout, peeking out from behind Bai He.