Chapter 9: Perks for Men in the Apocalypse

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Xiao Guang used a baseball bat to push away two approaching zombies, first confirming that their eyes were not grayish-white before turning back to continue tinkering with the car in front of him. Even after turning into zombies, they were still so curious. As he siphoned the gasoline, they just stood there watching the spectacle.

Today, Xiao Guang was quite diligent. Early in the morning, he took a thorough walk around the apartment, checking whether the zombies in each room were emotionally stable or if any had completely lost their minds. He casually handed two baseball bats to some and then pushed them off the balcony.

The reason for this was that Xiao Guang was searching for car keys. He had to admit, this trip was quite fruitful. Looking at the more than a dozen car keys in his bag, he felt very pleased.

If he were to leave the apartment, he definitely needed a sturdy truck—something fast and spacious enough to carry supplies. This involved many unknowns for Xiao Guang, such as whether the trucks ran on diesel or gasoline, or which vehicle was the most durable.

Rather than overthinking, it was better to act first. Xiao Guang found many empty plastic barrels in the basement; he planned to siphon all the gasoline from the street.

He had also found a truck. He wasn’t confident driving a large one, so he chose a Mercedes Sprinter. Although the space wasn’t as big, it felt sturdier than a Hyundai.

The method for siphoning gasoline was simple: find a tube, suck on one end with his mouth, then use the siphon principle to transfer the fuel into the barrels. The gasoline had a strange smell, but Xiao Guang didn’t find it unpleasant—only the taste was somewhat harsh.

“Hey! What are you all looking at? Want me to beat you up?”

Holding the barrel, feeling a shadow approach, Xiao Guang glared irritably. He had pushed them away already; why were they still gathering to watch?

These weren’t the earlier two zombies, but the group of zombie girls he had seen outside a small shop before. Xiao Guang glanced at their tattered clothes.

“What are you wandering around here for?”

No one responded, just standing in front of him. Xiao Guang noticed some of them moving their lips—not to speak, but to try to bite him.

“Having zombie besties, I don’t know if I should envy you. I really want to know what you’re thinking now, if there’s still a chance to be saved. How about I get you some new clothes? Just don’t cause trouble.”

Xiao Guang pushed away one zombie girl who tried to bite his helmet, pressing his baseball bat against her chest. Though rough, and the bat was dented and misshaped, in this world, who would scold him?

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After collecting four barrels of gasoline, Xiao Guang carefully loaded them into the truck. He had planned to go directly for some food supplies but reconsidered and walked toward a clothing store by the roadside.

For the four zombie girls, Xiao Guang thoughtfully picked out four sturdy denim outfits. The process of changing their clothes was a bit rough. The girl he grabbed yelled wildly, while the other three huddled close but didn’t leave.

Words were useless; gestures even more so. The best way was for Xiao Guang to pin the girl down, straddle her lower back, and tear off her clothes with a ripping sound, then dress her in the denim.

He stepped on her wrist to prevent scratching. Their long, blackened nails could cause infections, possibly even from ancient viruses.

Xiao Guang observed carefully. The zombie girls’ eyes varied—some black, some faintly red, one even green. Having color was a good sign; gray-white eyes usually meant a total loss of humanity.

“Is the color in your eyes because your immune cells are still fighting? I don’t know how to cure you, but I feel like you understand what I’m doing, even if your minds are still chaotic.”

Each of the four zombie girls responded the same way. When Xiao Guang dragged them down, they screamed and kicked wildly. Once stripped and dressed in denim, they grew quieter. After being fully clothed, they stood quietly nearby, watching Xiao Guang.

He stood up and met their gaze for a moment, then said suddenly, “You don’t really expect me to save you, do you?”

No response. The four zombie girls stood together in silence. Xiao Guang shrugged.

“I’m just an ordinary, useless guy. Don’t talk about saving you—I’m lucky to have survived this long. Besides, I already have one at home. I really can’t take you all back.”

As he spoke, he headed back to the truck. The zombie girls remained standing where they were, watching.

“If the virus always means losing your humanity in the end, having only one at home is manageable. I can handle it. But if you all come back mutated, then I’m dead for sure. Sorry, I haven’t lived enough yet, and I don’t know how to save you.”

Xiao Guang started the engine and drove up and down the street, stopping to check small shops. Tents were needed, dry batteries seemed useful, shovels too, and bedding sets. A sex toy shop?

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Xiao Guang looked at the dazzling array of items in the display cabinets and couldn’t help licking his lips. He had never been inside such a shop before and was surprised by the merchandise. Truth be told, he’d heard condoms were high quality here—could they hold water?

Even if not, blowing them up into balloons to hang outside could serve as a signal; after all, zombies wouldn’t be blowing balloons.

Feeling justified, Xiao Guang grabbed a bag and stocked up on all brands—Okamoto, Durex, no preference—and packed them all. Thinking further, the magazines with pictures were paper and could be used as kindling; he took those too.

Xiao Guang, who once thought he had no interest in scavenging, realized there were still many unknown corners in the world, like this treasure trove of a shop. He used to rush past such places, but now he boldly entered and even browsed.

Reluctant to leave the pink-decorated shop, he made another round, touching his nose. The inflatable dolls didn’t look very durable. He recalled a high-end doll store in Cheongdam-dong, which his classmates said sold life-sized, realistic models.

Supposedly, many dolls there cost ten million Korean won. Xiao Guang tossed aside the flimsy inflatable version tightly clenched in his hand. It was the end of the world after all; a man had to treat himself well.

Exiting the shop, Xiao Guang felt his face flush. He didn’t realize his cheeks were quite red. Visiting such a shop without ever having a girlfriend—he wondered if that counted as entering heaven.

“Survive. I have to survive. At least meet a living woman.”

Xiao Guang muttered this, feeling a renewed courage for the future. Saving the world wasn’t something he could do, but to live on, or one day return home to see his parents—even if they had turned into zombies—he wanted to lay them to rest.

Driving the truck, he continued scavenging roadside shops. This was an experiment, for he planned a long journey, scouting the way to leave this place for good.