Chapter 50 The Culprit

Bae Joo-hyun tugged at Xiao Guang’s suit jacket, looking seemingly puzzled as to why he was wearing so many clothes while sleeping.

Xiao Guang looked down at her, fished a small ball out of her mouth, and popped it into his own. When people die, they are supposed to have something in their mouths. It wasn't that they lacked gold, silver, or jade; it was out of fear that others might discover and steal them, desecrating the corpse.

As for worrying that Bae Joo-hyun’s saliva might infect him—are you kidding? He had already turned into a Smurf, did he still care about that? After a moment of thought, he simply sat up, cradled Bae Joo-hyun’s little head, and planted a heavy kiss on her lips.

Nice. So this is what it feels like to kiss a woman. Xiao Guang smacked his lips, threw off the blanket, and dragged Min-ju—who was clinging desperately to his stomach to grab her spot—right in front of him. Come on, give me a kiss.

Min-ju seemed to really like being treated this way by Xiao Guang. After receiving his kiss, she stared at him for a moment before leaning her head forward again.

Whatever, it's not like he was a stingy person. If she wanted a kiss, he'd give her a kiss.

Not only did he kiss her, but he also reached out and gave Hye-won’s mounds a squeeze. Hye-won pushed back the blanket, looked up at Xiao Guang, and asked, "Time to touch and drink milk?"

Drink what milk? Pulling Hye-won over, he gave her a couple of kisses too. Satisfied, Xiao Guang lay back down flat, bringing his legs together and placing his hands at his sides. With the small ball in his mouth and his finest clothes already on, dying in such a large bed made him feel completely fulfilled.

Xiao Guang couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Memories of the past constantly played in his mind, and even the memories of his early childhood seemed to grow clear. The little girl who used to scratch his face in kindergarten was named Amy; she wore her hair in a spiky topknot, her eyes curved into crescents when she smiled, and her favorite thing in the world was secretly scratching the faces of the other kids.

There was no way not to think of his mom and dad, no way not to think of his naggy maternal grandmother. Sniffling, Xiao Guang slowly reminisced. Every single recalled moment felt infinitely precious. In the end, exhaustion conquered Xiao Guang, and the blue-toned Xiao Guang drifted off to sleep.

The small ball fell out of his mouth. A tiny hand instantly shot out from beneath the blanket to snatch it back. Bae Joo-hyun gave an annoyed kick, and the whimpering sound Min-ju made proved she had something in her mouth now.

Hye-won tugged at Xiao Guang’s suit jacket once more. Wearing this outfit against her skin was deeply uncomfortable; she much preferred how Xiao Guang had felt that day—burning hot, overflowing with sweet juices. Tugging at his sleeve again, she realized there was nothing she could do.

~~~

"Who dragged my pants off? Hey~, I'm not dead yet! Can you at least let me keep some dignity?"

Waking up in the morning, Xiao Guang found Bae Joo-hyun missing from beside his arm. He threw back the duvet to look—all three zombie girls were crammed together right next to his legs. Which raised the question: why were his legs bare?

He let out a shout. Hye-won was still fast asleep, but Bae Joo-hyun and Min-ju opened their eyes, looked at Xiao Guang, and sat up simultaneously, crowding right in front of him with wide-open eyes.

What was the meaning of this? Why get so close? Was it out of pleasant surprise that he was still alive, or what was that slightly bewildered look in their eyes? Habitually, Xiao Guang reached out to pinch their cheeks.

"What the fuck, why are they green again?!"

Xiao Guang stared at his two green hands. He hadn't noticed when he first woke up, but seeing them clearly now—his skin tone, which had been a purplish-blue yesterday, had now turned green. A vibrant, vivid green, looking as though it had been crafted from bamboo skin.

Rubbing them together, his surface skin felt completely normal, but how on earth did this skin color come about?

Suddenly remembering something, Xiao Guang immediately flipped open the blanket. Excellent—a vibrant green little bamboo stalk was standing straight up, full of vitality.

"Hahahaha~~"

Xiao Guang let out a few laughs before collapsing back onto the bed. Yesterday he was Thanos, today he was a praying mantis. Honestly, if the virus had a physical form, even knowing he couldn't win, Xiao Guang would have loved to fight it to the death.

This wasn't how you tortured people. Let's be real—if you're going to directly invade my brain, why are you playing chameleon on my skin?

Bae Joo-hyun started laughing again. She crawled over to his side once more, watching him and smiling. Xiao Guang was laughing too; without even looking, he knew his face must be remarkably green, especially since Min-ju had licked him yesterday—there was no doubt about it. Catching Bae Joo-hyun’s smile, Xiao Guang asked,

"Think it's funny?"

"Pretty."

Pretty, my foot! What is pretty about a praying mantis? Hilarious is more like it. Xiao Guang stroked Bae Joo-hyun’s cheek. Even though he had turned green, he wasn't dead yet. Praise be to the Jade Emperor of the Haotian Golden Palace, the Supreme Natural Wonderful Miyu Zhendzhen.

Wait? How on earth did he come up with such a full, formal name? The complete name of the Jade Emperor—why did it pop into his head all of a sudden? Crap, his brain had been invaded. Crap, crap, crap. Xiao Guang tried to think of the God of Wealth's name, and only the simple name Zhao Gongming came to mind.

Phew, thank goodness, he was still just as dim-witted as ever. There were several Gods of Wealth, but he could only remember Zhao Gongming. Perfect.

The world is at peace with Fan Wujiu; meeting them brings wealth, Xie Bi'an.

Xiao Guang couldn't help but smack his own head. Stop thinking! Stop thinking! This wasn't an exam, why was his brain spitting out answers? Those were the Seventh and Eighth Masters, the Black and White Impermanences—every single Chinese person knew that.

"Is my face that funny?"

Bae Joo-hyun’s little hand was rather cool, and it felt quite pleasant resting against his face. But looking at the smiling expression in her reddish eyes, it really must have been tough for her to manage that sort of expression with them.

"Ugh~ Who's that? Let go!"

The little green bamboo stalk had been bitten. Xiao Guang instinctively shrank his body back, then instantly threw off the blanket, spotted Min-ju with her head buried beneath his stomach, and hurriedly reached out to support her head.

"Let go quickly, don't bite! You can't bite people."

Min-ju raised her head, looked at Xiao Guang, and shook it at him. Xiao Guang understood her meaning—she wasn't going to bite him.

Yet what she had just done was even more terrifying than a bite. Xiao Guang had no idea what color a praying mantis's face turned when it blushed, so he anxiously looked around in all directions until he finally spotted his pants on the floor, bent over to pick them up, and quickly pulled them on.

"Min-ju, you can't play with that, understand?"

"Fun."

Fun my ass! Xiao Guang looked left and right, fished the small ball out of Hye-won’s mouth, and promptly shoved it into Min-ju’s mouth instead.

"Play with this, this is fun. Time to get up, dress yourselves, I'm not helping today."

What kind of absurd situation was this? Xiao Guang walked bent over at the waist, jogging all the way into the bathroom. This time, he had caught the main culprit. Changing skin color all over his body, Xiao Guang could accept that as his fate, but for that full-body transformation to include his little brother—wasn't that going a bit too far?

Now he could be certain; it was Min-ju's doing. As he relieved the surging impulse in his bladder, he felt a mix of annoyance and embarrassment.

Giving zero psychological preparation—getting the little green bamboo stalk to stand up was just a daily routine for it, but she just swallowed it whole in one gulp without even saying hello. Didn't she know he had zero willpower in that department?

Looking down at himself, Xiao Guang had a rather terrible thought.

Since the color had already changed anyway, infection or no infection didn't seem worth stressing over too much. Were there certain things... that he could perhaps try?

Honestly, he didn't have any malicious intentions. They were all young adults; discussing things and exploring options wasn't out of the question, right?

Bae Joo-hyun wore her onesie the most properly; Min-ju had one leg sticking out of her yoga pants; and Hye-won had both shoulders bare, wearing her onesie like some heroic greenwood bandit out of a martial arts epic.

Seeing the three of them looking like this, Xiao Guang’s little thought vanished instantly. If he were to actually go through with it, wouldn't that just be bullying someone lacking mental capacity?

A person couldn't, and shouldn't, do something like that.

"We're having congee this morning, no milk powder."

With a grand wave of his hand, all three zombie girls collectively turned around and headed toward the living room. It was abundantly clear their moods had soured once again.