Chapter 53: A Cascade of Accidents

What causes a person to slowly wake up from a deep sleep?

If you asked Xiao Guang, he would definitely say it is because you are looking for a bathroom in your dream, and the urgency is very real. The streets are crawling with zombies, and Xiao Guang has just slipped into an alley to unbutton his belt when a zombie lying on the ground nearby, looking thoroughly dead, turns its head to look at Xiao Guang and tells him with a lisp,

"Don't pee on my face."

His lower abdomen swells, and his bladder is at a critical threshold. Xiao Guang awkwardly runs a few steps and slips into another alley. A dilapidated door nearby shifts, and a zombie with grayish-white eyes lunges fiercely at him. Xiao Guang hastily reaches out to fend it off, but the valve of his bladder can no longer hold. Xiao Guang seems to feel the embarrassment of his pants getting wet.

With one hand pressing firmly against the zombie's chin and the other hand trying to yank open his belt, Xiao Guang feels that he can no longer control his urine at all. Is being alive really this exhausting? Can a guy not even take a piss in peace?

No, this won't do. He must be dreaming; he cannot actually wet himself. Xiao Guang does not want to break his personal record for bedwetting. Yet the zombie in front of him is still roaring at him, its tongue sticking out and licking wildly. Xiao Guang gives his belt a hard yank. It is over, completely over. He cannot hold it in any longer.

He snaps his eyes open and lets out a sigh of relief. It was indeed a dream. He looks at the arm held by Hyewon, her face pressed tightly against it. It must have been you playing the terrifying zombie in my dream! However, why has the urge to pee actually diminished so much? He surely didn't actually wet the bed, did he?

Xiao Guang hurriedly kicks off the blanket and looks at Bae Joo-hyun, who has her back to him. Her figure is getting rounder and rounder—she looks so lovely. Then he looks at Kim Min-ju, who is lying curled up right beside his leg.

"Hey! Where did my boxers go? Kim Min-ju, spit them out right now! Slow down! Hey, seriously, aren't you choking on those?"

By the time Min-ju lifts her head, wipes the corner of her mouth, and looks at him, Xiao Guang panics a bit, gets straight out of bed, and dashes toward the bathroom. What in the world is this nonsense? An ignorant otaku teaching a zombie girl how to swallow a broadsword in his dream?!

Trembling, he aims at the toilet and struggles a bit before finally achieving a smooth flow. As the swelling sensation in his bladder subsides, Xiao Guang slowly lets out a breath. He lowers his head to look at his green bamboo stalk, not knowing whether to cry or laugh.

The color on his body is fading, but the green bamboo is fading much more slowly. How should he put it? As a man, whether this thing works well is absolutely crucial. Although it currently has no practical application, it cannot *not* work.

This concerns a man's self-esteem and various other issues, and it is even one of the reasons Xiao Guang clings to survival. He used to fantasize that one day he would discover a pitiful female survivor, rescue her, and live happily with her in this apocalyptic world.

Now, things are great. Even if he were to meet a female survivor, Xiao Guang would not have the confidence to use this green key to unlock her door. If he were actually to do that, and the girl saw the emerald green color, she might say,

"Oppa, do you like the Shinee? This is their fandom color."

If a girl were to actually ask that, Xiao Guang would tell her: What Shinee? I like Sodagreen and Wang Yuan. I love them so much that I'm constantly waving a lightstick inside my pants.

He sighs and rubs it. Hurry up and return to normal, will you? What kind of ridiculous situation is this? Which apocalyptic world features this kind of problem? Right now, he is living like a joke. He is neither truly human nor a proper zombie—he is just a goblin mixed up into the apocalypse. Damn it.

He has to solve this problem, and he is not joking. Just thinking about how Min-ju was controlling his vital parts while he was asleep—if he had rolled over, wouldn't that have been self-inflicted castration? Even someone as ruthless as Zhao Gao would fear this kind of eunuch-making method.

Returning to the bedroom, Xiao Guang intends to give them a stern lecture, but the moment he opens his mouth, he sees Min-ju's feet protruding from beneath the blanket kicking hard. Then her legs emerge bit by bit, followed by her bare bottom, until her entire body is outside the quilt.

Just as Xiao Guang is about to speak, Min-ju lifts the blanket, seemingly planning to tunnel back in. Xiao Guang sees Bae Joo-hyun's little feet half-raised and pointed in Min-ju's direction.

"I want to sleep."

So Bae Joo-hyun's morning crankiness kicked Min-ju out? Xiao Guang forgets his intention to scold them, walks over, and gathers the tunneling Min-ju into his arms.

"Min-ju, let's not fight over space, okay? Look how spacious it is over by Hyewon."

Hyewon is sleeping soundly on her back, half her body exposed. Whether she is covered by a blanket or not seems to have no practical meaning for her. The ones who love hiding under the covers are Bae Joo-hyun and Min-ju, and there is no telling what they were up to after he fell asleep.

Min-ju squirms in Xiao Guang's arms, seemingly still trying to crawl back in. Xiao Guang lifts the blanket to take a look: Bae Joo-hyun has stretched her leg horizontally across the bed, clearly intending to block Min-ju from climbing back in. Isn't this a bit too overbearing?

"Here."

A small ball is tossed from Bae Joo-hyun's leg by her small hand, rolling across the bedsheet. Min-ju immediately reaches out with her little hand, grabs it, and shoves it into her mouth. This time, she stops trying to burrow into this side and instead squeezes in right next to Hyewon. She manages to get inside, but Hyewon is left entirely exposed outside the blanket except for one foot.

With a five-meter-square grand bed and a giant quilt, Xiao Guang looks at Hyewon's two mounds exposed to the air and sighs. He doesn't even know who to pity.

Bae Joo-hyun is domineering, but she always guards her territory and never moves around randomly.

Min-ju loves pressing against Bae Joo-hyun, her ultimate goal being the small ball in her mouth, making her the most lively one.

As for Hyewon, she just sleeps however she pleases—cuddled up against someone if there is someone, sleeping by herself if there isn't. Whether there is a blanket or not simply does not matter.

Sighing, Xiao Guang pulls the tangled quilt over to cover Hyewon properly. As for whether he should continue sleeping himself—how could he possibly sleep now? Between the dreams and the shock upon waking, Xiao Guang is wide awake.

Xiao Guang knows that Min-ju's behavior must be related to the severe illness he suffered a few days ago, but the specifics remain unclear. He will just have to wait and observe tonight; simply talking to Min-ju in words probably won't get through to her.

A zombie girl who loves to sleep in is something completely unimaginable. Xiao Guang understands the law of conservation of energy, but he does not understand what sleep means to a zombie.

Getting work done in the morning is a good habit. He first drives over to the estate gates to take a look, and upon hearing a strange sound from the car engine, he realizes he must consider accelerating his plan to switch to a diesel vehicle.

There are no zombies at the estate gates. After taking a tour and double-checking the perimeter walls, he drives around to the backyard.

He climbs up onto the energy shed to clean the dust off the solar panels, confirms that all the small green lights are glowing, and then stands beside the vegetable patch in a daze. When it comes to growing vegetables, after harvesting, should one dig up all the roots?

It is autumn now, and he plans to grow vegetables on the second floor during winter. However, looking at the plot of land he cleared, building a glass greenhouse is virtually impossible. His idea is to use a vehicle to drag a ready-made color-steel house over, then tear off parts of the ceiling and replace them with plastic sheeting.

Then, by putting some iron barrels inside and burning wood in them, could he make the color-steel house warm enough? Who knows if this will create the environment needed for growing vegetables? All he can do is try his best.

"Clang~~"

"Oink oink~~~"

There seems to be a sound coming from the backyard fence. Xiao Guang drives the car over and spots a pack of wild boars outside the back gate, aggressively slamming against it. This makes Xiao Guang extremely furious: Do you beasts smell the fragrance of my vegetable patch?

Xiao Guang stares at the wild boars for a moment, returns to the living room to change his gear, and comes back to the back gate, resolutely pulling it open. Seeing the wild boars rush in fearlessly and head straight for the vegetable patch, Xiao Guang quickly locks the back gate behind them. Oh, descendants of Zhu Ganglie, let me show you how I handle your kind!

Wielding a baseball bat is useless; he might tire himself out without necessarily managing to kill one. Not to mention, if a wild boar were to charge at him, his own life would be in danger. Besides, wild boars bite.

Get in the car, start the engine, aim, and ram. Watching the wild boars frantically rooting around in his vegetable patch, Xiao Guang decides to throw humanity out the window.

For a time, the backyard of the villa echoes with the squeals and impacts of wild boars. Covered in sweat, Xiao Guang turns the steering wheel frantically. These creatures are much harder to hit than he imagined; a single impact isn't enough to kill them.

~~~

Bae Joo-hyun emerges, standing stark naked at the doorway leading from the villa to the backyard. Holding a heavy iron chain with a gloomy expression on her face, she watches the car chasing the wild boars around, letting out an indistinguishable sound from her throat.

A head pops out from behind her. Min-ju's cheeks are puffed out as she takes in the scene before her, pointing a finger at the car and declaring,

"Bad guy."