Chapter 45: Qin Yun's Sigh

The government-sponsored memorial service was held in an enclosure set up just outside the devastated ruins of the Eastern District, drawing thousands of attendees.

Under the watchful eyes of numerous media outlets, the event followed its established protocol.

Representative survivors were called by name one by one, standing up to face the cameras.

"Zhou Longsheng!"

Hearing his name called, Longsheng stood up and bowed toward the media gathered below the stage.

However, he thought he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure in the crowd.

As the survivors stood to acknowledge the audience, the rest of the citizens began participating in the floral tribute ceremony in batches. Among those offering flowers, Longsheng spotted a woman with deep blue hair, wearing a white tracksuit and a cap.

"Is that her?"

In Longsheng's memory, he had received no news of her since she collapsed days ago.

Even her phone calls wouldn't go through, and messages on communication apps went entirely unanswered.

That woman wearing the white hooded sweatshirt and athletic trousers, with her cap pulled down low over her eyes, had to be Shakya!

Just as the survivor guest segment concluded, Longsheng squeezed his way through the crowd and chased after her out of the venue.

"Wait, wait up!"

Pushing through the bustling crowd, Longsheng noticed the woman was walking quite fast, and he finally couldn't help but call out to her.

Yet, the other person acted as though she hadn't heard a thing, not slowing her pace in the slightest.

Truth be told, while Longsheng's physical constitution wasn't as robust as Bruce's and he didn't regularly work out at the gym, he wasn't the type of sedentary couch potato who would pant for breath after walking just a few steps.

Even so, Longsheng found that despite breaking into a light jog, he simply couldn't catch up to the woman, even though she didn't appear to be running intentionally.

He could only barely manage to keep his distance so as not to lose her.

Passing through several streets and arriving at a river embankment, the other party seemed finally annoyed by being followed and stopped ahead.

Longsheng finally caught up to her, stepping up before her and resting his hands on his knees as he gasped for breath.

She turned her head to glance at him, and indeed, the woman was none other than Shakya.

"Qin... Shakya... Please wait for me..."

Seeing Longsheng out of breath, Shakya turned her head away, looking deeply troubled.

"I'm sorry, I... I just want to be alone for a while."

"Eh..."

The current Shakya was vastly different from the impression Longsheng previously held of her; her entire demeanor had fundamentally changed.

Unlike Qin Yun whom he had known before—composed, dignified, mature, and generous—she could now only be described as haggard, with dark circles clearly visible around her eyes.

"Qin... Shak..."

Wanting to say more, Longsheng found himself unable to adjust to using the name Shakya for the time being.

"Forget it, I'd rather you just call me Qin Yun..."

"Qin Yun... What's wrong?"

Having not seen her for several days, Longsheng was shocked to find her reduced to this state upon their sudden reunion.

"I'm fine... Being able to save you was already enough for me..."

Shakya spoke as if trying to comfort herself, her gaze noticeably shifting and unfocused.

Her voice had also lost its previous calm, steady, and resonant tone, becoming somewhat muffled and as quiet as a mumbled monologue.

"How can you possibly call this being fine?!"

Seeing Shakya reduced to this state, Longsheng felt his heart break.

"Even if something is wrong... it will get better after some time..."

Shakya said slowly, strolling over to a vending machine by the riverside park road.

"The adult world isn't so simple... I'll treat you to some coffee, and once you finish it, head on home..."

Stepping forward in a flash, Longsheng beat her to the punch, inserting coins to purchase two cans of hot coffee.

"You saved me, so I should be the one thanking you!"

Seeing Longsheng buy the coffee and hand a can over to her, Shakya did not stand on ceremony.

She accepted it in silence, popped the tab, and began to drink.

"I think I need to talk to you properly. This isn't like you."

"...And just how much do you really know about me?"

Longsheng was momentarily at a loss for words. It was true that his impression of her was mostly limited to Qin Yun the top student, the older sister figure, and the goddess-like ideal.

It wasn't until he signed the confidentiality agreement with Schwartz that Longsheng gained a rough understanding of "Shakya" through a woman named Shion.

That included her amnesia, her relationship with Traum, and so on.

To put it bluntly, that was the extent of Schwartz's understanding of her.

And that was also the extent of what Shakya, whose memories had yet to return, knew about herself.

"Qin Yun! You can't put it that way."

Longsheng pulled Shakya toward a park bench and sat her down.

The late autumn breeze still carried a chill.

Facing the river side by side, Longsheng wanted to open his heart to Shakya.

"...You people have only ever seen my side at school... What right do you have to talk about knowing me?"

Shakya's tone was colder than he had ever heard before, but Longsheng knew it was because this latest trauma had caused all her long-suppressed negative emotions to erupt at once.

"It's true... I didn't know what your actual situation was like, Qin Yun... nor did I know you were constantly fighting those monsters."

Longsheng took a slow sip of his coffee.

"But at school, you were our confidante, you were... the person I looked up to. So..."

Shakya's eyes looked dead and lifeless, and Longsheng tried his best to encourage her.

"So what? How could you possibly hide those little thoughts of yours..."

Truth be told, rather than coffee, Shakya wished she was holding a can of beer right now.

It was just a pity that nothing of the sort was sold around here.

"This persona of Qin Yun was nothing more than an artificial persona instilled in me by Schwartz!"

As Shakya spoke, her hand gripped the can tightly.

It seemed she had always deeply minded this fact, yet remained utterly helpless against it.

"What even am I, truly? Heh... I never genuinely felt that hanging out with you kids was all that interesting, to be honest... Perhaps the real Shakya is just a boring adult after all..."

"..."

The forced smile Shakya squeezed out made Longsheng's heart ache.

So she had been suppressing all of this inside her the entire time... Indeed, Longsheng had never noticed.

Or rather, these were things Shakya had always strived to keep hidden from others.

"Who you truly are doesn't matter... What matters is that you are the one who protects this city and protects us!"

Longsheng couldn't truly empathize with Shakya's situation because he was, after all, just an ordinary student.

That's right, the real Shakya perhaps wasn't a child or student like them; Longsheng had always sensed that from her temperament, speech, and way of thinking.

This was also why Shakya always felt that she could never truly open her heart to them—neither to Bruce nor to Li Jiayi.

As for Li Jiayi, Shakya felt a profound sense of indebtedness because she had sacrificed both her legs to save her life.

And Bruce had at least pushed his injured body to the limit, desperately buying her an opportunity to beat back the enemy.

As for Longsheng, he belonged to the memories of Qin Yun's campus life—an essential puzzle piece in the only memories she possessed that felt truly real. Being able to save him made Shakya genuinely happy, truly happy.

The memories tied to the identity of Qin Yun, and the sense of existence they provided, came from this albeit artificial campus life.

It was also the only part of her current self that made her feel alive.

Yet, she found herself no longer able to face them properly.

Shakya had no idea how to express such complicated emotions to these youngsters.

"Protect? You must be joking... Look at what I've actually managed to protect!"

Shakya's eyes grew red again.

"Qin Yun..."

"A-Anyway, being able to save you... I did my best..."

It seemed Shakya had been tormented by self-blame and a crushing sense of powerlessness over the past few days.

Supporting her forehead with her hand that wasn't holding the coffee can, her hair fell in disarray across her face.

"Just go... Let me be alone..."

"I don't want to leave you behind! You're being too pitiful like this!"

Longsheng didn't want to leave, but as a high school student, he had no idea how to comfort or encourage Shakya.

He reached out to touch Shakya's shoulder, but she raised her hand and batted his outstretched arm away.

"I am this pitiful! What are you looking at? Go..."

This was the first time Longsheng could remember Shakya raising her voice at someone.

Yet, she quickly realized her lapse in composure and stopped herself.

The force of Shakya's motion caused a bit of coffee to splash onto Longsheng's sleeve.

艋

"Hand... give it here..."

Longsheng was somewhat startled by Shakya's sudden outburst and didn't react immediately.

Shakya took a tissue from her pocket, grabbed Longsheng's hand, and wiped away the spilled coffee.

"I'm sorry..."

As Qin Yun wiped the stain off Longsheng's sleeve, she turned her face aside to avoid his gaze.

Because tears were still streaming down her face.

"Forgive me for making a fool of myself today..."

Tossing the empty coffee can into a nearby trash bin, Shakya turned and walked away.

"Forget about what happened today, and don't mention it to the others."

Standing frozen in place, Longsheng watched Shakya depart, his heart filled with a heavy, aching sorrow.

Yet, there was nothing he could do.