Chapter Thirty-Six: Adding a Character. Please Don't Hit Me

Kevin, the albatross (Laulu), Little Spoon (Linda), Little Nine (Nana), plus the mage Jack and his parrot 37268—a total of four people and one bird—set out together to hunt down the foreign forces. At first, Kevin hadn’t considered such distant consequences. He thought it was merely a rivalry between two mercenary groups. But when the two assassins appeared, the situation became clear; Kevin was neither slow-witted nor inexperienced, and his years of wandering had taught him much.

Kevin had encountered foreign forces during his travels, though at the time, he lacked the ability to observe them closely, learning what he could only from others. Whenever Kevin met such people, he avoided them, keeping his distance. Abroad, claiming to be a bard from Laubolle was usually enough to ensure safety. Yet for these forces, his identity made him a target.

Of course, the foreign forces were divided between those opposed to Laubolle and those indifferent to it, but outwardly they were hard to distinguish. Sometimes, anti-Laubolle groups would deliberately lure people in to achieve their goals.

Regardless, finding them wasn’t difficult. Kevin merely had to proclaim his identity loudly in a foreign tavern or public place and extol Laubolle with fervor; before long, a group of anti-Laubolle agents would approach him for conversation. Typically, these were just minor players—low-level mercenaries for hire—while reaching their leaders was nearly impossible.

This incident, though suspected to be orchestrated by anti-Laubolle forces abroad, lacked clear planning or structure, seeming instead a spontaneous attack. Foreign agents often colluded with local vagrants, thugs, or idle mercenaries, gathering them, giving them some rudimentary training, inciting trouble, and paying them for their efforts.

These vagrants shared little camaraderie; in battle, the death of any among them was inconsequential, so long as it wasn’t themselves. This mirrored the nature of the recent conflict. Attacking the kingdom’s army, stirring up disputes between mercenary groups and the military—such tactics were their specialty.

It was only later that the gravity of the situation became apparent, as the opposition resorted to silencing witnesses through murder. Even so, the matter was far from resolved—the infiltration of foreign forces into domestic affairs was an undeniable fact. The threat had to be nipped in the bud, the domestic rot excised, and the foreign menace rooted out; these were the ultimate goals of their mission.

However, the timeline for this task was uncertain, and Kevin couldn’t help but worry about his upcoming recruit training—what if he couldn’t return in time? To this, Laulu remarked that their current mission took precedence; the recruit drill was merely a formality, not of major significance.

As they traveled, Kevin maintained his guise as a bard. Laulu posed as a missionary priest, Nana as a nun, Linda as a common maid, and Jack as an ordinary parrot merchant.

How intelligence would be gathered or battles fought was not for Kevin or Jack to concern themselves with; they were simply told that, at critical moments, they should pinch someone’s backside. For Kevin, this was a rather simple task.

On the first day, the group did not venture far. Laulu found an inn in Mossye City for them to settle in. Kevin and Jack were instructed to remain in the inn, not to wander, while the other three went out to gather information.

Kevin and Jack, both meeting for the first time, naturally struck up a conversation. Strictly speaking, Jack’s military rank was higher than Kevin’s, but as their current roles were bard and merchant, their tone remained informal, free from the constraints of military protocol.

“Have you not given your parrot a name?” Kevin asked casually.

Jack, straightening the cups on the table, replied, “I’m hopeless at naming things. I never know what to call them.”

The parrot added, “There were tens of thousands of us trained together, collected from all over the country. Too many birds—naming them individually was impossible, so we’re identified by numbers.”

“If parrots can be trained, shouldn’t other animals be trainable as well?” Kevin asked. “Even if they can’t speak, they should understand the human language.”

“So far, only parrot training has been implemented; research on other animals is currently suspended,” Jack explained. “Apparently, the council hasn’t approved it.”

“Why is that?” Kevin wondered.

“Because it’s akin to creating a new species,” Jack replied. “If these animals gain too much intelligence, they might rebel, forming their own groups. Society could face new problems. Parrots are the first experiment—if it succeeds, other research may follow.”

“Oh,” Kevin continued, “Which branch of magic do you practice?”

“Remember, most mages who sign contracts with avian creatures specialize in wind magic,” Jack answered. “There are exceptions, but they’re rare. I’m no different.”

“I see,” Kevin nodded, watching Jack casually use wind magic to blow away dust at the doorway.

“I’m only a level-three mage,” Jack laughed. “In the mage corps, I’m just a communications officer—nothing special.”

Beside them, the parrot began to squawk, “Hungry! Food!”

Jack pulled out a handful of feed from his pocket, gently placed it in the middle of a bowl, then set the bowl at the center of the table. Placing his hand on the table, a white magic circle appeared, and moments later, another parrot materialized.

“You may eat,” Jack declared. The two parrots flew to either side of the bowl and began pecking at the feed.

“Is this… a necessary feeding ritual?” Kevin asked, somewhat astonished.

“Of course not,” Jack chuckled. “But don’t you think it looks perfectly symmetrical?”

Kevin stared in surprise as the two birds fed from opposite sides, the bowl centered—Jack had unconsciously arranged everything to restore symmetry. This must be what people call obsessive-compulsive disorder.

“How do you tell the two parrots apart?” Kevin couldn’t help but ask. “Their feathers look identical.”

Jack laughed. “Actually, the second one is just a regular parrot, untrained. I specifically found one with similar plumage to raise alongside mine.”

“Is it for future training?” Kevin inquired.

“No,” Jack shook his head, retrieving the two parrots and placing one on each shoulder. “Look, isn’t this perfectly symmetrical?”

The two parrots chimed, “Perfect symmetry! Perfect symmetry!”

Kevin: “…”

As they spoke, Laulu and the others returned. After greeting everyone, they drew the curtains, locked the doors, and ensured no one was nearby before speaking quietly. “According to our intelligence, neither mercenary captain knows of the foreign forces’ existence. This makes the investigation extremely difficult.”

Kevin didn’t question the accuracy of their information; he trusted that these seasoned assassins had their means.

“There are three options,” Laulu began. “First, continue investigating here, starting with the idle mercenaries at the bottom. But it’s a huge workload, and we’re clearly understaffed—not to mention how to proceed.”

“Second, cause a disturbance domestically—perhaps escort another important figure to lure the enemy out,” Laulu continued.

“Third, go abroad directly. Cross the poisoned forest at its nearest border to reach the country of Leiboci’er. If the foreign forces are truly recruiting local vagrants, that’s the closest place,” Laulu finished. “Any suggestions?”

Everyone fell silent, apparently without strong opinions.

Unwilling to let it go, Laulu pressed Kevin, “What do you think, Mr. Author?”

Kevin forced a smile. “If I were the author, to create intense conflict, the protagonist would rush headlong into the most dangerous place, courting adventure, with or without a reason—if none exists, one would be invented. But, of course, he’d never die.”

Laulu laughed, “Is that a spoiler?”

“Not at all,” Kevin replied awkwardly. “I’ve traveled abroad quite a bit myself. A few years back, I spent a week in Leiboci’er. To be honest, I didn’t dare stay longer—I left after just a week.”

“Hmm,” Laulu nodded. “I’m a sixth-level warrior and a fifth-level mage, with plenty of combat experience. Taking you to a small country like that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Both Kevin and Jack looked surprised—his strength rivaled Colonel Orson, and he also possessed magical skills, making him a true master. Kevin had guessed the assassins would be formidable, but hadn’t expected such prowess.

“Haha, I’m a fifth-level warrior too!” Linda replied cheerfully.

“Little Spoon, don’t reveal your strength so carelessly!” Nana scolded, patting Linda’s head.

“Oh, it’s fine! We’re all friends here,” Little Spoon replied.

Jack couldn’t resist, “Is ‘Little Spoon’ a nickname?”

“Yes, you could say that!” Little Spoon turned and patted Nana. “Right, Little Nine?”

“Little Nine?” Kevin ventured. “Is that your rank?”

“Not exactly,” Little Spoon replied, with Laulu tacitly agreeing—it didn’t seem to be a secret. “Guess which rank Little Nine holds?”

Kevin could only guess, “Ninth?”

“Hehe! Wrong,” Little Spoon laughed. “It’s ninety-ninth—we only have a hundred people.”

Kevin and Jack were a bit at a loss; revealing Little Nine’s rank so openly seemed to embarrass her. But Little Nine only glanced sidelong at Little Spoon, “I know everyone in our group can mock me, but coming from you…”

“Hey, don’t say it aloud or you’ll leak secrets!” Little Spoon tried to poke her waist, and the two girls began to play-fight.

“One hundred—hah! The one hundredth member dares mock the ninety-ninth?” Little Nine retorted, “I’ll punish you! Come, accept my loving whip~”

“All right,” Laulu intervened, “You two settle down. Little Nine, your behavior is rather…”

“Ah, ah, ah, ah!” Little Nine shrieked, cutting him off.

“Fine, let’s get back to business,” Laulu said helplessly, seeing Kevin and Jack’s dumbfounded expressions. He reassured them, “Our line of work is high-pressure, so some personalities are a bit odd. Don’t mind it—everyone’s a good person.”

“Yes, understood,” the two replied, almost reflexively.

“Alright, tomorrow we head abroad,” Laulu decided. “Kevin and Jack, just follow along. No need to worry about the details—we three will discuss them further.”

“Yes, sir!” The two replied, rising and heading for the door. Clearly, even as collaborators, there remained a gap between them; the true operational details would not be disclosed. Kevin lacked the strength to accompany them on their missions.

Late at night, Kevin was awakened from sleep by someone shaking him. Groggy, he opened his eyes to find a masked figure clad in black standing by his bed. Instantly alert, he sat up.

“Shh!” the figure hissed.

Kevin glanced around—his sword was within reach, but he doubted he could best this person. His companions each had their own rooms, and calling for help would likely be too late. This person seemed to be an assassin—perhaps not a threat.

“I’m one of your readers,” the black-clad figure smiled. “When you were in the military camp recently, we assassins couldn’t get in. Later, though you went out on missions, you stayed at the Royal Academy, which was inaccessible for us. Tonight, finally, you’re in an inn, so I finally had the chance to come.”

“Oh,” Kevin nodded. “Was it you who drew me aside at the roadside last time?”

“It was,” the assassin replied. “I killed that poacher too, just as a matter of course. After delivering your package, I left; I’m not clear on what happened afterward.”

“Oh,” Kevin nodded again. “So what brings you here now?”

“When will your new book come out?” the assassin asked bluntly.

“Uh… I’ve really been busy lately,” Kevin said, embarrassed. “As you can see, there are so many tasks.”

“No rush,” the assassin replied. “I just want to ask—could you add a character for me in your next book?”

“Well, what are your requirements?” Kevin, encountering such a request for the first time, considered it seriously.

“My character should be called Brother Kong. Traits: extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely handsome!! Other: sometimes refers to himself as ‘old man,’ sometimes uses the alias Marker Mouse,” the assassin said.

Kevin: “…”

“Is there a problem?”

“No problem.”

“Then I’ll take my leave.” With those words, the assassin jumped out the window.

Kevin lay back, thinking, when suddenly another shadow entered. He sat up again—another assassin.

“I’m here for a character request too,” the assassin announced.

“Alright, no problem,” Kevin replied. “Tell me your requirements.”

“With my awe-inspiring presence, I should at least get to be a behind-the-scenes boss, right? Name me Dragontooth!”

“Uh, alright.” Kevin nodded. The assassin left, satisfied.

Whoosh! Another figure slipped in before Kevin could even lie down. He simply asked, “Character request?”

“Yes,” the newcomer nodded. “Sorry for disturbing you at this hour.”

“No problem. Go ahead—what are your requirements?”

“No special requirements—just don’t make me too sleazy, and let me survive more than two chapters. Name: Mumu.” The assassin’s expectant eyes glittered.

“No problem,” Kevin replied.

“Thank you.” The assassin departed politely.

Whoosh! Another entered through the window; Kevin wondered if they were lined up outside.

“As a girl, it’s hard to get a bit part, isn’t it? If it’s too much trouble, don’t force it—after all, the plot matters most. Name: Coconut Girl. Feel free to subject me to outrageous antics!” she said, clearly practiced.

“Don’t worry. I’ll definitely include you,” Kevin promised.

“There are quite a few more,” the female assassin glanced at the window. “Should I call them all in?”

“Let them all come—I’ll take notes.” Kevin sighed. With so many characters to add, how would he write them all? It was destined to be a sleepless night.