Chapter 27: Pervert

Li Zhi and Wu Zetian were quite fond of their new fans. If nothing else, they were certainly convenient to carry around, and, more importantly, they were crafted by their most beloved youngest daughter, adding a special touch. Their happiness brought joy to Li Yuechen as well, who continued her disciplined routine each day.

The one who seemed happiest of all lately was Shangguan Wan'er, as Li Yuechen would often play shuttlecock with her when she was free. Although their clothes inevitably got dirty, Steward Fu had already assigned other palace maids to do the washing.

With a keen eye for such things, Steward Fu noticed how much Li Yuechen favored this little girl. Although she was technically a servant, the princess treated her more like a companion in her studies. Seeing the potential, Steward Fu decided to put a little faith in Shangguan Wan’er; if she rose high in the future, she might return the favor. If not, it mattered little—after all, it cost him nothing.

That afternoon, Li Yuechen sat at her desk, drawing and writing. Shangguan Wan'er walked over and saw several simple jars sketched on the paper.

"Is Your Highness planning to make something new?" Shangguan Wan'er asked curiously.

"In a way... though it’s rather difficult. I’m not sure if I’ll succeed in the end," Li Yuechen replied, scratching her head in mild frustration.

What she wanted to make was simple—canned food. The trouble was, canned goods of the future were made with glass jars, yet in this era, only porcelain was available.

She hadn’t planned to introduce glass just yet—she was saving that for a future opportunity to make money and didn’t want to reveal it prematurely. The real question was whether porcelain could be used for canning; she honestly had no idea.

After much thought, she decided to try sealing the jars with wooden stoppers, as was done with wine, and then sealing them with wax. If it worked, so be it; if not, she’d let it go. With the peach season approaching, she could ask Li Zhi for several pounds of peaches to experiment with.

As one drew and the other watched, a comfortable silence settled between the two girls, untainted by awkwardness. Now and then, Li Yuechen would flash a smile at Shangguan Wan’er, who returned it, their large eyes crinkling with delight.

Suddenly, a clatter sounded from outside the hall. Li Yuechen glanced up, laid her brush aside, and walked out to investigate.

Because of the heat, Li Yuechen avoided thick socks, preferring to walk barefoot around the hall. The palace had polished wooden floors, kept spotless by the eunuchs and maids, so her small feet stayed clean even after a whole day.

At the door, Steward Fu knelt to help her slip on her wooden clogs before going out to see what had caused the noise.

Wooden clogs of this era were little different from those of the future—a kind of simple summer sandal. Among the common folk, they were typically square, while those in the palace or wealthy households preferred a more rounded, elegant look. Wooden clogs were indeed cool, but they made a distinctive "clack-clack" as one walked, echoing through the empty halls.

Outside, Xiao He was crouched on the ground, gathering a pile of slender bamboo stalks—the source of the earlier noise.

Li Yuechen raised her hand to shield her eyes from the glaring sun. "What are these bamboos for?"

Xiao He bowed. "Your Highness, the fifth day of the fifth month is soon upon us. These are for making rice dumplings."

"Oh..." Li Yuechen nodded as she suddenly recalled. In this era, the term "Duanwu" was not yet in use—they simply referred to it as the fifth day of the fifth month. Moreover, rice dumplings weren’t always wrapped in leaves; some were steamed in bamboo tubes.

The one thing that irked Li Yuechen was that only sweet dumplings existed—no savory ones yet. She hadn’t fully experienced the festival in previous years, but this time she thought she’d see how the ancients celebrated.

She’d heard that dragon boat racing was a folk tradition, but the Tang court, valuing frugality, did not host such events officially.

Shangguan Wan'er, beside her, patted her forehead. "Your Highness, how about joining me in the Hundred Herbs Contest this year?"

"The Hundred Herbs Contest?" Li Yuechen looked puzzled—she’d never heard of it.

Shangguan Wan'er explained: The Hundred Herbs Contest had "literary" and "martial" versions. The literary contest involved contestants taking turns presenting various flowers and herbs, challenging one another to name them within a set time—a test of knowledge. The martial contest had each player select a stalk of grass; they’d cross them and pull, the winner being the one whose stalk didn’t break.

Li Yuechen thought about it—wasn’t this just a game of "pulling tendon"? In some places, it was called "pulling the old treasure" or "tug of war"—a common children’s game. But she’d only ever played it with leaf stems, never thought of using grass stalks.

Since the idea was raised, Li Yuechen decided to relive a bit of childhood. She ran to the edge of Taiye Pool to find two sturdy grass stalks and handed them to Fulai.

"Steward Fu, soak these stalks overnight."

"Yes, Your Highness!"

…

With two days left before the festival, the next day Li Zhi rewarded several ministers in court with longevity threads and gauze garments.

Longevity threads, also known as five-colored threads, were bracelets woven from threads of five different colors, tied around the wrist. Only high-ranking ministers—like the chancellors and imperial censors—enjoyed such privileges. Gauze garments, for keeping cool, were distributed to all officials entitled to attend court—more like a workplace benefit.

On the festival day itself, Li Zhi decided to spend time with his family, hosting an archery contest by the Taiye Pool attended by all his consorts and children present in the palace.

The targets weren’t usual—bamboo-tube rice dumplings were placed on platforms, and the arrows tipped with cloth instead of points. Using a specially made small bow, each would shoot at the dumplings. Hit the target and you could eat the dumpling; miss, and you’d be penalized with wine or some other forfeit.

With only family present, Li Zhi was more relaxed than usual. He took the small bow from Zhang Chengxin, ready to shoot the first arrow, but Wu Zetian quietly advised, "Your Majesty, your eyes aren’t well—perhaps you shouldn’t participate."

She meant well, worried that a miss would be embarrassing, even if no one dared mention it.

Li Zhi waved her off with a carefree smile. "It’s nothing!"

Li Yuechen smiled as well, unconcerned. She knew, as an athlete, that eyesight wasn’t everything—many Olympic shooting champions were severely nearsighted! The ability to hit a target often depended less on vision and more on instinct.

With the small bow, no one stood too far—perhaps about thirty paces. Li Zhi drew, aimed, and loosed the arrow, striking a bamboo tube dead-on, sending it tumbling.

Li Yuechen stood to applaud. "Well done, Father!"

Pleased by his daughter’s praise, Li Zhi smiled, tossed the bow to Zhang Chengxin, and walked over to scoop up Li Yuechen. "Bring the dumpling!"

Zhang Chengxin handed over the one he’d hit, and Li Zhi placed it in Li Yuechen’s hands. "Here, enjoy!"

Li Yuechen agreed, slipped from his embrace, and extracted the cylindrical dumpling from the bamboo tube, dividing it to share with her brothers and sisters.

Li Zhi, now seated, nodded in approval and turned to Wu Zetian with a smile. "Blessings are meant to be shared. Yuechen is truly thoughtful!"

Wu Zetian nodded, visibly content.

In truth, neither of them knew that Li Yuechen simply didn’t like sweet foods.

After Li Zhi, Wu Zetian and the other consorts all took turns shooting, and each hit their target with surprising accuracy.

Among the children, the two elder sisters who hadn’t learned archery missed and were penalized with wine. The eldest brother, Li Hong, and the second brother, Li Xian, both hit their marks, but the third brother missed and was likewise penalized. As for the fourth, Li Lun, he was too young to draw the bow, so they didn’t let Li Yuechen try either.

That suited her just fine. While she had experience with bows, she was used to compound bows of the future—a different thing entirely from those of this era.

Li Zhi, seeing the children eager to play, waved them off to amuse themselves, while he and the empress and consorts enjoyed the flowers and composed poetry.

Seizing the moment, Li Yuechen beckoned to Steward Fu. "Bring me those grass stalks."

Seeing Li Xian and the others draw out their own collection of stalks, Li Yuechen thought, Today I'll show you the meaning of true domination!

When it came to the literary contest, Li Yuechen gave up right away. She knew the names of many flowers and herbs, but the ones from her era differed greatly from those in the present.

For the martial contest, however, everyone fell to Li Yuechen. Her stalks, specially prepared, were far tougher; those her brothers had gathered days earlier were already drying out and snapped easily.

Be it her brothers, the palace maids, or even the eunuchs, all were bested by Li Yuechen.

After an hour of fierce competition, Li Yuechen was crowned the undisputed "King of the Hundred Herbs" that year.

That evening, after dinner, Li Yuechen returned to Chengxiang Hall, sitting on the steps outside to enjoy the cool night air.

Shangguan Wan’er sat beside her, curious. "Why was Your Highness unbeatable today?"

Li Yuechen gazed up at the starry sky and smiled mysteriously. "That’s a secret I cannot reveal!"

Hearing this, Shangguan Wan’er lowered her eyes, a little disappointed.

"Next year, I’ll give you some too, so you can be invincible yourself!"

"Really?" Shangguan Wan’er looked up, her eyes brightening.

"Really," Li Yuechen promised.

Shangguan Wan’er smiled again. "Thank you, Your Highness!"

…

Two days passed, and it was time once more for Li Yuechen’s visit to Lady Rongguo.

Steward Fu was busy that day and did not accompany her; only Xiao He was by her side.

The carriage stopped outside the residence. The Imperial Guards scattered, and Li Yuechen entered with Xiao He.

Seeing her granddaughter, Lady Rongguo’s face blossomed with joy. She pulled her inside and presented a mountain of pastries.

It was always like this. Li Yuechen felt she needed to exercise more, or she’d soon be overweight.

She’d always heard that the Tang Dynasty prized plumpness, but only after arriving did she realize "plump" did not mean fat. The Tang ideal was a round face, a full bust and hips—an overall voluptuousness and graceful figure. The modern "melon-seed" face simply didn’t fit the taste of the era.

Of course, the food was just part of it. As she was about to leave, Lady Rongguo pressed a pouch of Kaiyuan coins into her hands, telling her to buy whatever she fancied on the way back.

Not that there was anything she needed; the palace had everything the outside offered, and more besides. The only use for money was occasionally rewarding her servants, so she accepted it graciously.

After spending the morning with Lady Rongguo and sharing lunch, Li Yuechen prepared to leave.

"Grandmother, no need to see me off. You should rest."

Stopping Lady Rongguo from walking her to the door, Li Yuechen left the main hall with Xiao He.

As they entered the front courtyard, a flash of white appeared from behind the rockery and blocked their path.

Looking up, she saw it was Helan Minzhi, likely delayed by the sight of the imperial guards outside.

"Greetings, Your Highness," Helan Minzhi bowed.

"No need for formality, cousin," Li Yuechen replied, waving her hand. "Grandmother is inside—do as you wish."

She was about to leave, but Helan Minzhi darted forward and blocked her path again.

"Don’t be in such a hurry, cousin. We should spend more time together," he said, flashing what he clearly thought was a charming smile.

Well, he was handsome, but Li Yuechen had no interest in entertaining him. "Next time, I promise!"

She tried to leave, but Helan Minzhi refused to move. Instead, he crouched down, squinting as he looked her over.

"Incredible! I hardly recognized you. You’ve changed so much and are already showing the makings of a beauty!"

Huh?

Something about his words put Li Yuechen on edge—it sounded disturbingly perverse.

Before she could react, he reached out to touch her face!

Li Yuechen stepped back, but Xiao He had already moved between them. "Sir, please show some respect!"

With a sharp crack, Helan Minzhi slapped Xiao He across the face.

She hadn’t expected him to strike her and reeled from the blow, seeing stars and stumbling to the ground.

"Wretched servant! Who gave you permission to speak?" Helan Minzhi shouted angrily.

He reached for Li Yuechen’s shoulder, a leering grin on his face. "It’s been so long, cousin. I’ve missed you dearly. Come, let’s spend some quality time together!"

Li Yuechen took another step back, frowning deeply.

You pervert! I’m only five years old—how can you even think of this? Someone like you deserves to be strung up and beaten!

Beside her, Xiao He struggled to her feet, grabbing onto Helan Minzhi’s robes, trying to protest. But he kicked her hard in the shoulder.

With a muffled cry, Xiao He crashed to the ground.